Conscious Parenting, Earthway Parenting, Gentle Parenting, Toddlers

Connection & conscious thought into your child’s behaviour

A couple of months ago I wrote a heartfelt post about our 4yo daughter.

I was struggling with her behaviour, meltdowns were long & explosive, her sensitivity to everything outside of her control was exhausting, her quest for affection meant that there was NO personal space EVER (I’m also still Breastfeeding our 16mo) in all honesty I was completely worn out, my heart was heavy, and I was at breaking point…

  • Ben could see that I was at breaking point…
  • We sat down, we talked…
  • We worked together,& we came together as partners…
  • we trusted ourselves & our intuition…

We made a conscious decision to be more patient, to be more aware of her ‘triggers’ & to try our best to predict them so that we could either prepare her beforehand or pull her away from the situation gently before an outburst.

Getting ready for our day now means that everything is done at least half an hr before we  leave, when it is time to leave there’s space for a quick change of clothes or shoes (either of these things happen on a daily basis at least twice before we leave & usually when I announce that we’re leaving!)

If we’re at the beach I know now that she hates sand on her feet & thongs… so I’ll always pick a spot w grass & a short walk so that afterwards  I can try to pack everything up as quickly as possible (with three lil ones & both my eldest & youngest are obsessed w being in the water alllll the time this is a challenge in itself!) so whilst I’m doing that my 4yo will usually have her feet in the water, then I will bring her thongs to her & wash them so I can carry her to the grass, yes exhausting!!  But I’ve prevented an upset & we have all enjoyed a swim & a play without the struggles afterward!

I have quickly learnt that instead of ‘labeling’ her behaviour w negative talk ie. “she’s so difficult, she’s explosive, she’s exhausting”,

I quickly re-frame my words to something like ”ok she’s just sensitive to sand in her toes, she’s passionate and she knows her mind.”

When I think of her like this I see a lateral thinker,I see intelligence & an empowered young girl, I see her w love rather then dislike, I see how powerful  connection is.

Today I see how she has changed from being explosive w longgg meltdowns to someone who now feels that she’s more readily understood, that she will still have an upset but it’s not as long & it’s not as explosive, because she feels the space & connection from us to safely express herself without the fear or the judgement.

As parents we are doing the vital work.  We are constantly imprinting our love & judgement on our children w our words our actions & indeed our thoughts. They will keep this always.

Connection & conscious thought into your child’s behaviour is always key 🔑