Guiding your children’s behaviour; In our home we use the ‘time in’ approach for our girls ‘red light behavior’ ie. Hurting each other. We have always felt that a ‘time out’ approach does not validate our daughters’ feelings, it shuns them from their family for experiencing ‘big’ feelings that they are struggling to control and it only teaches them that its ‘not ok’ to be upset.
I am a 34yo woman who still throws a good old ‘tanty!’ and thankfully for me my husband doesn’t shun me away for feeling the way that I do, instead he hugs me and reconnects with me. So why do we not do that with our children?
A ‘time in’ approach means staying with your child when they are having ‘big’ feelings and are having trouble managing their behaviour. It is not giving into them it is about staying connected with them.
We have a space in our home that we go to to calm down, sometimes our daughter wants her ‘fairy jar’ which is a jar with glitter glue, food colouring and water, she shakes it up and watches the glitter fall, it’s a good form of distraction and can quickly create calm (our daughter was three when we started this).
After our daughter calms down we talk about why we’ve had to use the ‘time in’ corner, we talk about how she felt and how she feels now, if there’s an apology needed we talk about that and then we hug it out.
‘Time in’ helps them to calm themselves down, it helps them to discuss and manage their feelings, they feel safe and not abandoned and our eldest daughter (who is now 7yo) now also knows when she needs space and will take herself to her room to read or to play.
Be patient with your young people, they need lots of practice to learn about what is expected from you❤