The intention behind this series is to shine a light on some beautiful, inspiring and connected mamas and what Post Partum looked, or looks like for them.
I feel very passionately about this vital period in a new mamas life so I wanted to shed an honest and authentic light on it by asking a few beautiful mamas to shed the light and sometimes the dark side, on this vulnerable and transformational period in their life.
Meet Carly, a beautifully down to earth mama bear of two little cubs. They live in the mountains always grounding themselves with yoga. Her ‘Unique Post Partum’ is beautifully written with true authenticity whilst honoring herself as a new mama to her most recent blessing but also as a mother to her eldest daughter. I am honored to have her share her ‘Unique Post Partum’ with you all.
Name and Age: Carly, 37
Children/Infants name and age: Lennix Jean, 4y 10 months, Maple Rey 11 weeks
Relationship to self or another: Partner to Brad
How has becoming a parent changed you?
SO MUCH. When my first daughter was born almost 5 years ago, it really forced me to shine a spotlight on my behaviors / actions / way of life and think ‘am I being the best role model for my child’. It really hit me when I noticed one day her little eyes transfixed on me, staring up in awe and adoration, like I was the only thing in this world. It made me re-evaluate my choices and from then on I began to strive to be the best version of myself, not only my children but for me also. It is such a cliche but it really was the rebirth of me as a woman and a human, the day I became a mother.
In those first few weeks Post Partum, what did it look like for you?
I have had two quite different experiences. With my first I was very unprepared, anxious, emotional… I really had no idea what to expect.
With my second child and with almost five years of being a mother already, almost five years of self exploration + personal growth… and the ability of hindsight, I was able to prepare really well for the postpartum period.
I set boundaries for when people could visit, I had the freezer stocked with food, I had discussed in detail what I wanted/expected from my partner, I had trusted contacts ready for people I could reach out to for help if needed, I had healing remedies of essential oils and naturopathy at the ready… I was very well prepared second time around.
But even in being prepared I was also ready to surrender to the process and let go of my anxiety, flow with the lead of my baby and let go of expectations.
I learnt early on with my first child that following my baby’s lead and trusting my instincts was the easiest way to ‘enjoy’ being a mother.
How did you feel?
With my first I was nervous, anxious, scared… I had this little persons life in my hands and I was not prepared at all.
Second time around I felt confident in my preparation and was feeling secure and safe. There were times I felt anxious still, but because I prepared so well, I was able to find solutions and quickly ease my anxiety. Preparation is key.
Did you feel pressure from friends, family or society in general as to how you ‘should’ parent your new baby? If so how did gently handle that sort of pressure?
With my first child I tried to please everyone and when people gave me advice I would agree to an extent. This probably says more about who I was as a person at that time, a people pleaser. With becoming a mother and following my child’s lead, I found my voice and became more of an ‘attachment parent’ which didn’t sit well with everyone but I felt confident. I did a lot of research and found a lot of scientific studies that backed my attachment parenting styles, with that came the confidence to parent the way I wanted to regardless of anyone’s comments.
What was the transition into parenting like for both you and your partner within your relationship?
First time around with Lennix we were naive, under prepared and in hindsight my partner was quite disconnected from the experience. I didn’t have my voice so I didn’t stand up for what I wanted or needed and because of this we drifted apart.
Fast forward 5 years with Maple, we have grown so much as a couple and we prepared really well for her arrival that we worked together as a team and was quite a smooth transition from one to two kids.
Did you make time for YOU during your Post Partum period? If so, what was your favourite thing to do to get back to YOU?
Again with Lennix it really was all about my child that I didn’t really make time for myself until after she turned one. I was sleep deprived and anxious for the first whole year of her life.
With Maple I had clearly stated what I needed postpartum. Sleep, alone time…. help! And in taking time for myself I have been able to really enjoy life, not just survive trying to keep my head above water. I have taken time for sleep, meditation, yoga. Child free time is so important for me. At first I felt this was selfish and felt incredibly guilty, but I soon realised that as an empath I NEEDED time alone to recharge, so I could be the best version of myself for my little humans.
If you could go back to your gorgeous pregnant self, what loving, nurturing support would you offer her?
Darling, you are more than enough. You have everything inside of you to do what it takes to be a great mother, you just need to trust your instincts. There will be tough times, but these challenges are given to us to help us grow. Learn + grow.
Read and learn and gather information that feels right for you and prepare yourself for the birth of your beautiful child. You’ve got this.