We made a concious decision as parents to try our best to not put our children in a ‘box,’ starting with “artificial praise” such as ‘good girl! You’ve put all of your toys away!’ We truly believed that by doing so we would be (unintentionally) creating a high standard for our children to be ‘good’ all of the time which then inevitably leads to ‘perfectionism’ & frustration.
If they aren’t the ‘good girl’ all of the time, which is near impossible to uphold even as an adult! Jan hunt,the author of “the natural child; parenting from the heart” defines “artificial praise” as words used deliberately to reinforce specific behaviors that lead toward the goal of a parent & not necessarily the child.” By using “genuine praise” we are then using loving words that are straight from our hearts & not specifically aimed at their behavior, such as “wow! You’ve tidied up all of your toys, what an amazing surprise for mum!” Jan hunt goes onto explain that the key difference between these two kinds of praise is our intention. Are we expressing pure delight in the present moment or are we intending to direct our child’s future behavior by carefully giving or withholding our approval? I truly believe that Spontaneous words & gestures celebrate the love & joy between us,& what a beautiful gift to impart on our children
