The intention behind this blog series is to shine a light on different family structures, ways in which both mums & dads, single mums, single dads, homosexual couples all connect with their little ones.

It is about how we do so with simplicity, elaborately or maybe how we don’t do it much at all and how we can work on it. I wanted to also shine a light on how we can also do the same with each other as a couple as well as ourselves as individuals.

Episode Four:

Motherhood is beautiful, its scary and it’s raw.  Its a journey you expect to embark upon with the human you’ve created life with.  Sadly that doesn’t always happen.  Introducing Sandy, a beautiful single mama of two divine daughters.

Name & Age:  Sandy, 35  (**NB Name has been changed for confidentiality reasons).

Children/Child/Infants name and age: Lily (4yrs) Rose (3yrs)  (** NB Names have been changed for confidentiality reasons).

Relationship status: Separated 2+ years pending divorce / In a relationship

What do you do?  Stay at home single parent

How has becoming a parent changed you?  It has brought huge emotional growth and healing to my life. My children teach me about who I am and who I want to be.

What do you do to connect with your little ones?  We have “time in” about 3 times a day. During this time we will do an activity together, go to the park/beach and explore or just sit and talk. The most fruitful connection time we have is at bed time. This time has become a safe space to bring up emotions felt during the day and gives me an opportunity to help organise them and pick up on any unmet needs.

How do you create present parenting within your home?  Firstly, I had to setup a support network! (Eg. Therapist, Trusted friend) As a parent facing long complicated court proceedings, I had to seek support so that my emotions didn’t effect my parenting. I then had to learn how to separate my needs (but not neglect them) so that I can meet theirs. Because my children are so young they are very dependant on me emotionally and physically so I have to be  creative with my tasks so that I can connect regularly with them throughout the day.

Do you connect with your partner regularly ie. Date night or day? At home or out? My new partner and I do not live together yet. He takes a Monday off every fortnight when the girls are in care (Preschool/Family day care) so that we can connect one on one and build our relationship.

Do you connect with yourself regularly ie. Self care rituals? As a single parent this one is something I struggle to schedule because I don’t get much time to myself but I am improving! To connect with myself I have to disconnect from what’s going on in my life. (If that makes sense…) I usually make a peppermint tea, sit in the quiet and daydream about the things that I’d like to do instead of the things that I have to do! It replaces stress with a bit of creative peace and allows me to explore ideas.

Any words of wisdom for those that are new to being a parent, ways in which they can connect with their little ones? Ways in which they can find time for themselves and each other?
Trust your instincts. Do what is right for you and your family its not a “one size fits all”, different people have different needs. Seek support and ask for help not just for your physical needs but emotional needs too. Be kind to yourself, purposely schedule time to connect with yourself and your partner without the children, its ok to want and need that. Don’t be too hard on yourself! parenting stretches you and sometimes it will push buttons you didn’t even know you had. You will “stuff up” on occasion and its ok! If the connection is there the repair is there.