The intention behind this blog series is to shine a light on different family structures, ways in which both mums & dads, single mums, single dads, homosexual couples all connect with their little ones.
It is about how we do so with simplicity, elaborately or maybe how we don’t do it much at all and how we can work on it. I wanted to also shine a light on how we can also do the same with each other as a couple as well as ourselves as individuals.
Episode Ten
Meet Lori, a beautifully down to earth mama of three boisterous boys! An inspiring writer for the Dakini Journal with a deep connection to the ocean and mother nature.
Name and Age – Lori Jai Harding | 33
Children – Justice (6 years old) Noah (5 years old) Atlas (22 months)
Relationship status – Engaged (for almost five years!) We will do it one day!
What do you do?
I haven’t returned to work since having our first son almost seven years ago. As my partner’s job requires long hours, our life flows much better with one of us at home full-time. However I love to write and have a website Dakini Journal.
How has becoming a parent changed you?
In every way possible. Becoming a Mother was a gradual but powerful re-birth. Each time I birth a child, by the end of their first year I have shed so many skins. I love the growth, even though it is uncomfortable, and sometimes painful. And messy. And exhausting. But I love learning more about myself and what I am capable of.
What do you do to connect with your little ones?
Always within nature. With three young boys, our home life is mostly chaos so I find the best way to connect with them completely is to escape to the beach or out to the rock pools. I feel inspired to play with them or just sit back and watch them (or follow them around with a camera haha), however at home I find it much harder because there is always something else I could be doing and I find it hard to switch off. I feel very grateful to have such beauty at our doorstep to get lost in whenever we want and let the rest of the world fade away for a while. We also dance a lot around the house and no matter how cranky anyone is, a good dance always makes everything better.
How do you create present parenting within your home?
Well for us, present parenting is learning what our children need from us and understanding and respecting them. I read something the other day that said something along the lines of…Your children did not come from you, they came through you. They are not yours, you do not own them. They don’t need you to be their boss, they need you to allow them the space to be their own person. And I really connected with that, that felt right for our family. Our eldest boys are very different and we have learnt (through many mistakes and experience) what they need from us and they both need completely different things. I feel as though our job is to create a loving and comfortable environment and opportunities for them to grow and learn but try to allow them to work things out on their own. That is of course much easier now when they are young and want to be with us all the time and all they need is our attention and love, I know it will get much more complicated when they are older. And Atlas is almost two so he just needs everything at all times haha. Mostly it is just making sure he doesn’t wreck too much stuff.
Do you connect with your partner regularly ie. Date night or day? At home or out?
We don’t really do date nights but if the opportunity arises we will take it! We connect on our family days when we’ve had a great day at the beach and then come home salty and tired and drag the mattress out to the lounge room and watch a movie with some wine and some yummy food. Our weekdays are busy but having a wine together or just a conversation without the kids is nice!
Do you connect with yourself regularly ie. Self care rituals?
Like most Mothers I am sure, I often forget or skip giving myself alone time and then wonder why I am so angry haha. Then I realise I haven’t been to yoga in three weeks. So now I try to be really strict with myself and give myself a time out. I have time away from the kids but you know, its easy to fill that with all the life-things so I have to force myself to stop, step away, go for an ocean swim, beach walk, yoga and just reconnect. I am a much nicer person that way
Any words of wisdom for those that are new to being a parent, ways in which they can connect with their little ones? Ways in which they can find time for themselves and each other?
I would say to them – let go of any expectations you may have of what sort of parent you want to be or THINK you want to be and just allow yourself the space to grow and learn and make mistakes. You’ve never done this before! Connect with yourself and your intuition and learn to trust yourself, you know best!
