The intention behind this series is to shine a light on some beautiful, inspiring and connected mamas and what Post Partum looked, or looks like for them.
I feel very passionately about this vital period in a new mamas life so i wanted to shed an honest and authentic light on it by asking a few beautiful mamas to shed the light and sometimes the dark side, on this vulnerable and transformational period in their life.
Meet Jess, a beautiful mama to her little man Van, and their pup Winston. A wifey and avid beach and outdoor lover! Jess wanted to share with you her ‘unique post partum’ and I am SO grateful to her for doing so.
Name and Age: Jessica – 27 years old
Children/Infants name and age: Vander – 10months
Relationship to self or another: Married
How has becoming a parent changed you?
This is a question that you’re rarely asked as a parent and it’s not until you sit back and reflect that you realize how you’ve fundamentally changed as a person in your new role as a mother. Before I had Van I was only responsible for me, my well-being and my existence. As soon as I saw the results of my pregnancy test with two little blue lines, my life changed. I was responsible for this tiny little being who was dependent on me for life. That was enough to truly change my outlook.
I viewed my body very different almost instantaneously. It started because I was growing life, then I was breastfeeding and my body was responsible for nourishing this little person. I viewed food differently and only wanted to eat things that would truly add value to my bodies process to nourish and nurture. The worries I used to have about which way to wear my hair or how to match my clothes have become somewhat superfluous in comparison.
I have become more patient and stopped rushing. My life pre little Van I tried to squeeze as much into each day as I could I was always rushing everywhere trying to take on many things. This has changed for me in a big way because babies don’t like being rushed around – and my time is so precious with him I don’t want to be with him all day but not truly see him. I now only plan one thing per day and the rest of the time I want to be present and truest interact with him.
I feel more deeply than I ever have. I viewed myself as very ‘together’ person before becoming a mother. Someone who wouldn’t break down over a sad movie or watching a horrible story on the news. Now when I hear a story about someone else I just think – that is someone’s son or daughter and it’s enough to break my heart. Life is such a blessing.
In those first few weeks Post Partum, what did it look like for you?
To be completely honest those first few weeks were a complete blur. While I was in them they felt like a lifetime and looking back I certainly felt that around the 6-7 week mark this kind of haze lifted and I understood my new role.
Motherhood initially for me started as this amazing new connection to my husband a gift I was able to give my family. However when we got home with Van it very much became about survival. I was adamant I’d get it right but I quickly realized there really wasn’t a ‘right’ way to go about it – not just because every baby is different but because every day is.
For me it took time to get to know Van – understand his cries. Understand my body and what it needed – hours of sleep, amounts of food and producing milk for my baby. It was frightening but in the same breath the most rewarding and beautiful time.
How did you feel?
Initially because I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the ‘perfect’ mother I felt like I was constantly failing because I was learning and I thought that there was so much I should of just known. As soon as I was able to give in to acknowledging each day would be different and taking things as they came I was able to enjoy my baby and that special time.
Physically I felt constantly like I was hung over from the lack of sleep but I did quickly get used to that. My boobs were very sore – breastfeeding was painful and there were moment I thought I wasn’t going to make it through that. But learning from other mothers and how they managed similar problems was key. And slowly – I started to adjust to my new normal.
Post partum care is EVERYTHING after. It is skin to skin, it is allowing your new baby the space to latch onto your breast in its own time, it is establishing a breastfeeding relationship, it is learning to wrap your baby, settle your baby and lotssss of nappy changes!
Did you feel pressure from friends, family or society in general as to how you ‘should’ parent your new baby? If so how did gently handle that sort of pressure?
Certainly did – I think it’s hard not to because you don’t know any different and you’ve never done this before. Everyone has so many opinions on how you should do things and what your baby should be like.
It is difficult to ignore these voices but I embraced a ‘whatever works’ parenting mindset and that helped me drown out the noise. I tried things they suggested and if it worked – great but if it didn’t I moved on and excepted that that may have worked for them but it didn’t for us. These pressures never go away I’m beginning to realize even as Van gets older but I have gotten a lot better at managing them.
What was the transition into parenting like for both you and your partner within your relationship?
I was actually really worried that becoming a parent would mean that we would both or one of us would shift 100% of their love and attention to this new life we’d created – but it didn’t. Our relationship has become much deeper – we’ve created life, birthed and we are now raising that little life together which is a pretty amazing thing.
We have both acknowledged each other in moment of weakness and supported in every way we can. We are certainly more open on how we are feeling and try not to take the small amount of time we have where it is just us for granted.
Did you make time for YOU during your Post Partum period? If so, what was your favourite thing to do to get back to YOU?
Yes, in very small ways I made time for ME. Simple things that I took for granted before like having a shower in peace and by myself was something I made sure I did every day. Then eventually around week 7 I started going back to pilates – this was something I loved before and help ground me, clear my head and stretch my body.
I am a firm believer in recognizing what your minimum acceptable level of happy is and making sure you stick to doing the small things so you don’t start to slip into a bad mindset.
If you could go back to your gorgeous pregnant self, what loving, nurturing support would you offer her?
I would tell her to slow down, enjoy her pregnant belly and rest as much as possible. Birthing a child is such an incredible ask of your body and you want it to be ready to take it on. I would also tell her to take each day as it comes – as they will all be different, do what works and don’t worry about the small things.
Post Partum & Infant Connection eWorkshop
Are you seeking a deeper knowledge of what to expect within your Post Partum period? Do you crave a supportive, non judgmental environment? Are you ready to be informed and to feel empowered on your new and exciting journey into parenthood?
