Discover Conscious & Intuitive Parenting
“Education is the great engine of personal development. It is through education that the daughter of a peasant can become a doctor, that a son of a mineworker can become the head of the mine, that a child of farm workers can become the president of a nation.” Nelson Mandela
We are cranky, they get cranky. We stare at our screens because it can be the path with less conflict and struggle.
We’re busy, they’re TOO busy!
We punish rather then choose to teach.
We forget to stop. Listen and connect.
Sometimes it really is all too much.
It’s too trying, too tiring and too much of a challenge.
As parents we all have far too much to do.
Our modern lives are focused around productivity, both at work and in our home, most days I feel a constant need both internally and externally to have “something done” with my day, to be ticking items off my long to-do list.
But what if what we really need, every now and then, is just to do nothing?
To hibernate. To slow down. ⠀ As the cooler months start to close in around us lets choose to disconnect from the outside world a little more (and more importantly the online world!) and let’s opt for a deeper connection with our loved ones. What would it feel like to entrench ourselves in our emotional and spiritual wellbeing rather than our sole focus being on our physical fitness?
Perhaps we could begin with putting down our phones and actually checking in with each other.
If you are a parent or if you have ever interacted with a child between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, then you most likely have witnessed many of the milestone behaviour within autonomy versus shame and doubt stage from Erik Erikson’s stage of psycho social development, such as wanting to dress themselves, feed themselves with their fingers, or you may have even experienced a struggle trying to hold them amongst a pool of tears because they can’t and won’t find their drink bottle (even though you know that they haven’t even started looking for it and it’s on the kitchen bench!).
Expectations.
We all have them.
Do your expectations as an adult meet up with your expectations that YOU have for your baby? Your child?
Expectations as an adult tend to go a little like this… To be loved. To be respected. To be acknowledged and also nurtured.
Why then do we feel that our baby or older children would not also have these same expectations?
I ask this because I feel that some of us are still on the same ‘old school’ page of Crying It Out (CIO). With our little people we may feel even that punishment is more sufficient instead of teaching. Perhaps we have an expectation that our children should ‘respect our authority’ then we will return the favour and in turn ‘respect them!’
I know that this might jostle a few feathers and I am ok with that, because if it does, then I am SO pleased that you are here. I am so excited that you are using the new year as an opportunity to take stock, take action and create change within your home, after all this is where the magic really happens..
Is anyone else feeling the overwhelm of the year coming to a close?
Parties, dinners, graduations, the organisation of trips away, shopping, shopping, shopping…
Are your children feeling ‘off track and stressed out?’
Could it be they’re reflecting the negative energy you’re putting out?
I know as a mama I’m having my fair share of ‘moments’ as the holidays rapidly approach, and I know that my children are vibing off of that too. We are all so ready for the holidays to begin whilst also being aware that, ‘this too shall pass.’ And it does pass, seemingly more and more quickly as the years go by.
This time of year is a wrap up of all that has come in the months before while at the same time often an avalanche of chaos, stress and anxiety around the numerous things we need to get done, to attend, to buy, to cook, to clean, item after item that needs to be handled and ticked off our many, many holiday ‘to do’ lists. This can create tension within homes, anger around finances being stretched, and anxiety around events with young children.
Mama Guilt, we ALL do it!
Guilt- Some mamas say they never live a day without it. We worry. Did we give enough of our time today? Did I feed him well enough? She hardly slept today and yesterday, is she cutting her day sleeps or was it because I met my girlfriend for a coffee?
We feel overstretched by the demands of a busy household, the juggle of work and our kids. Spending time with friends and your partner. There are days where we might think to ourselves ‘is this it? Is this part of some divine plan to have me feeling like a nervous wreck!?’
Motherhood introduces us to so many varied mind states, such extremes of emotions that can feel so unfamiliar and at times disturbing. We will swing from one to the other. Revisiting old wounds, and hurts.
We also try to hide all of these feelings due to undulating pressure on ourselves and from our friends and family, society as a whole. Because we are supposed to feel ‘good’ about being in this place called mamahood.
We are so quick to judge each other too for feeling all of this and some. Then those mama guilt feelings come up again because we shouldn’t be feeling this way.
If you are a parent or if you have ever interacted with children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years, then you most likely have witnessed many of the milestone behaviour within autonomy versus shame and doubt stage from Erik Erikson’s stage of psychosocial development, such as wanting to dress themselves, feed themselves with their fingers, you may have even struggled to hold them amongst a pool of tears because they can’t and won’t find their drink bottle (even though you know that they haven’t even started looking for it and it’s on the kitchen bench!) It is at this point in development that young children will begin to express a greater need for independence and control over themselves as well as the world around them. According to Erikson, children at this stage are focused on developing a greater sense of self-control.
Your toddler at this age is gradually wanting and yearning for an increase in their independence they want greater control over what they are doing and how they are going to do it. Toddlers that are in the thick of this developmental stage will often feel the need to do EVERYTHING independently!
Things such as picking out their own clothes, deciding what they will and won’t eat, toys and games that they want to play. This can create SO much frustration for many parents and understandably so, you want your toddler to look super CUTE but instead, they look like a red-hot MESS!! The simple fact is, this is not only an important milestone in development for your little one but an essential one, for your toddler they are developing their personality further, their sense of style and all whilst creating personal autonomy.
Mindful parenting is an essential part of being a parent. Mindful parenting is a lifelong practice. It is about becoming less attached to the outcome and more mindful of what is unfolding in yours and your children’s lives.
Observation – Being mindful aims to shift your focus of attention away from thinking to simply observing, observing your thoughts, feelings and the sensations around you.
Being non-judgemental – This is an important aspect to adopt as we all can relate to trying to control what we’re experiencing at times. When being mindful no attempt is made in evaluating your experience or to say ‘that it is good, bad or terrible, right, wrong, or a failure.’
“This takes time to develop because accepting all of one’s experience can be a challenge. But by bringing about a kind, gentle curiosity to your experience is one way of starting to become non-judgemental.” Quote taken from the Centre for Clinical Intervention.
“Two year old’s aren’t terrible — they’re torn.” Janet Lansbury.
Children do not, indeed cannot, make their own way unguided.
There are consistent bodies of research now that specify, that children learn best from setting limits for their behavior.
BUT how do you do that peacefully and positively? How do you teach your children to consider others, to take turns, to not hit, punch and throw things?
A couple of months ago I wrote a heartfelt post about our 4yo daughter.
I was struggling with her behaviour, meltdowns were long & explosive, her sensitivity to everything outside of her control was exhausting, her quest for affection meant that there was NO personal space EVER (I’m also still Breastfeeding our 16mo) in all honesty I was completely worn out, my heart was heavy, and I was at breaking point…
